(Using the astonishing and clever beginning line of "There once was a ___". )
There once was a thingus whose thirl
would set your mind starting to whirl.
Trying to be Saturnalian
he performed rather Thalian.
There were those even thought him a girl!
There once was this red-headed bloke
who'd think the day long, and smike.
Once he got out of bed
blood rushed to his head
and affected his mind quite like coke.
There once was a man named Thales
(who came long before the dailies)
who reduced all matter to water
and betook himself a good daughter
now he may join the league of George Baileys.