Saturday, March 04, 2006
OK. I admit it. I am a "24" addict. It is completely self-inflicted. I am also addicted to the works of David E. Kelley, Larry David and Aaron Sworkin. These are the Preston Sturgeses of today, as far as goes TV. There may be more. I ain't got all day.
As a throbbing member of the cultural elite, I realize I shouldn't expect too much edification of the senses to issue forth from the idiot box, and yet, like moth to flame, I am drawn. Badly drawn. I am the proverbial badly drawn man. A stick figure among eggmen. A walrus without tusks. A hammer without a master. (Boulez-vous ecoute avec-moi ce soir?)
Life is butter dreams.
Naa. Well maybe. At any rate, I do enjoy my weekly Bauer fix. At least I did until she left. But she will be returning on Monday, so if you haven't heard already:
Kim Bauer Returneth!
(It's a guy thing.)
So yeah...politics of 24. Well, the latest is this:
Lynn, played by "Toy Soldiers" star, Sean Astin (also the son of excellent parentage) turns into a bloviating, power-blind, control freak with God-as-Daddy metaphorage tainting his social judgement. Imagine Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh at the helm of counter-terrorism, yawping and ululating like frightened chihuahuas. For some odd reason, this sort of behavior is acceptable, even encouraged, on the Right. But the Left and the Center have little stomach for it. And neither did the folks at CTI. After much plundering and blundering and thundering, the problem was removed, Section 112 was invoked, and adult supervision was returned to the good, hard-working, tireless folks at CTI.
If only the same can be said of the White House...both on the show, and in real life.
Plundering and blundering and thundering. I was wondering...what thinks ye underees?
On December 10, 2004 I posted the following:
"Nightmare 9" is the soundtrack of a nightmare in Iraq. I hosted it at a different server, located HERE. The other songs are located here. "Nightmare 9" pays tribute to "Revolution 9" by the Beatles and "Plan 9 from Outer Space". Hope you enjoy it. Great for headphones and freakouts!
Little did I know that in 2006, Paul Krugman would write a column and call it "George the Unready". But he did. Here is Brad deLong's explanation of the title:
The reference is to the late tenth century English king who lost his kingdom to
the invading Danes, Ethelred the Unready--in Old English Aethelraed Unraed.
"Aethelraed" was his name, meaning "noble judgment." "Unraed" was attached to it
as a pun--"unraed" meaning not "unready" but "bad judgment." It's a pun.
I ran across Ethelred the Unready while studying genealogy. We are apparently related...although I identify more with his father, Edgar the Peaceable.
Iddybud alerted me to the Krugman column because she was getting a lot of hits, due to the fact that she had posted about my music, and mentioned the "George the Unready" part (which I had neglected to do).
Glad to see Paul Krugman and I are on the same wavelength...and that I was able to drive some traffic to Iddybud the Beyond Ready.
The music inspired Patty Ann Smith to write this moving poem:
Can You Taste The Tears?
This is not the heartbeat of the Earth.
Can you hear the fear, can you taste the tears?
Can you smell the blood, can you touch the wounds?
This is the adrenalin rush of mankind at war with itself...
The death throws of a failed experiment.
Hope and despair living in the same body at the same time...
an impossible task that must be altered.
Otherwise, there will be merciful silence for the Earth in the end
and...no more children to build a future for.
~ Patty Ann Smith / Hope4America
The CD is still here, and available for $9.95, and there is a DVD in the works which will sell for 14.95. You can purchase either or both through the Paypal button located on your right.
Earthquake jolts parts of Mendocino County
Earthquake shakes Athens
7.1 magnitude earthquake in Fiji
Experts: Utah Should Prepare For Big Earthquake
Study raises quake risk
National Guard mobilized to help fight wild fires
Multiple fires erupt, thanks to wind
Crews battle forest fires in East Tennessee
Crews Nearly Contain Black Hills Fires
Carolinas' climate ripe for forest fires
Flash flood warnings posted across rain-soaked Hawaii
Town put on flood alert
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Other backward states, like South Dakota, plan to follow Mississippi's devolutionary lead.
Step aside and let the lemmings pass....
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Human Origins Also Discovered
Thank God for small miracles! In a last minute effort, terrestrial scientists raced another robot up to Mars before everyone could let the mishaps of the last big adventure set in. And what did they find? No, not Timothy Leary. . . Water, stupid! Water!
Upon closer inspection of said water, the terrestrial scientists discovered, to their chagrin I might add, (but when isn't it?) that the water contained what appeared to be Human Spores, which has prompted them to assign varying meanings to this finding, and one of these is that we, humans that is, were once little spore-type-thingies, and we lived on Mars until it got too cold and we hijacked rides on comets which then smashed into the earth's atmosphere thus releasing us in the form of cosmic rain, if you will, which then filled up the oceans and Coca-Cola bottling plants.
How we became soft drinks is a deep subject which I only wish I had the time to tell, but alas, I must investigate further, ever further, bringing out the most newsy news consumable. It is my job. My life. My metier.
Now, back to you, Dan.
The news was swift and oppressive. Ripples and shudders radiated from the small Carolina village to the point where authorities were called in to quell the disturbance. This shocked a number of otherwise languid citizens, who were forced, by conscience, to stand up and defend the little Sutton child on the grounds that "he was really no worse than other brats just because he had ideas. Jeez!".
Further examination, however, has shown that there really is no such thing as a solid, since what were once thought of as solids are really nothing more than the same mind-fluff that every other schmo is composed of, which, as it turns out, is a sort of projection of God's visions and thoughts upon a holographic screen which we are all part and whole of, whatever that means. I just obey orders. And now they are telling me to wrap it up...
Anyway...look into it! Bucky Fuller is a good place to start. Get back with me. Ta!
Body of Ancient Man who discovered Fire Found in Siberia
Fire-eating dogs now being bred to replace traditional fire hose
Charlotte Poultroon Gets Serious Wedgie
How Sept 11 Caused the World to Stay the Same
Deloitte: "I'm just looking for some Touche"
Over-eager Oilman Strikes Hell
Conversation Deemed Spuerfluous, Deipnosophists Up in Arms
Gore Gets Mad and De-Invents the Internet Causing World Panic
Mt. Everest to be ground down and auctioned off in sugar packets on eBay
7 Habits of Highly Habituated Addicts
Why cats can beat up dogs but rarely waste the energy
Sexual Congress: A New Page
Want to lose weight? Eat what skinny people eat, stupid!
How to know if you have class
"Secret Ingredient" in beer found more addictive than crack. US government still prohibited from demanding Ingredient labels.
Save your hair! New hair religion stops it from going to Hell
Trees found to have canine souls. . . discovered in bark
Unborn fetus discovered masturbating in womb
Wheelchair-disabled sue stand-up comedians in Class Action suit
Cordless dropcords may cause insanity
Salted beer nuts found to cause alcoholism
New poll shows women really prefer beta males
Do you believe in love after love? NY woman has sex with 2000 partners!
"The Matriot" slated to begin production in August
The real reason you can't see peepees on TV
Toll-roads taking their toll
Indo-European roots and berries
How to fool others into thinking you are likeable
Featuring the best in alternative programming for the evening, late night and the following morning.
Not unlike Newton's Apple, but with emphasis on human sexuality. Sometimes a banana is just a banana. This wouldn't be one of those instances.
England's answer to COPS, BOBBIES features the wacky antics of gentlemen with short bats. Viewers have commented on just how crude and boorish COPS seems, after viewing the more civilized Bobbies in action.
In this bizarre natural comedy, each rung up the ladder gets to laugh and point at the poor sucker one rung beneath him or her. But to make things interesting, the entire chain is literally chained together. Now let's see who comes out on top!
Arnold the Robopig
Arnold Zifflenegger has a problem. He is frankly a robotic swine overly concerned with Kohlberg's Third level of moral development, namely Law and Order. Watch as Arnold squeals on his friends and family until there is only one creature in the entire village who is not behind bars. Guess who.
Taboo Quest seeks out all the major world taboos...and exploits them for financial gain. This season we even hope to create a few new taboos, for your viewing pleasure.
As It Were
Virtual Bohemia's answer to the History Channel, only condensed into a 30-minute show...which is about as much History as most people want.
This Friday evening show previews some of the more arcane things taking place over the weekend. If you can't afford The Perfect Weekend...try an Imperfect one. You might see all your friends. At least the cheap ones!
Sexual In Your Window
This show, called the ballsiest on TV, is the best of video voyeurism, with particular emphasis on private sexual acts caught on tape. Great fun for the adult viewer!
Life After Money
Whether it be Life chasing after money, or what life can be like after you have lost it all, Life After Money is the show that treats of these two seemingly disparate states.
Star Search raised to the highest level, Genius Search seeks out the best minds in the world and rewards the recipient with whatever he or she needs in order to further their work.
Tobacco Executives features the lives of the heads of this dying industry, only in a situational comedy format. The twist is that no one EVER tells the truth, so you can imagine the tangled webs they create.
First there was Real TV. Then there was Weird TV. Welcome to the Age of Voyeur TV! We highlight the best of voyeuristic TV shows around the world, as well as create a few ourselves...so there is absolutely no need to look elsewhere.
Green Witch Village
Green Witch Village documents the life and people of the community known as Green Witch Village...since that, indeed, is the name. Starting out as a Virtual Community, Green Witch Village is now a clothing-optional "Intentional Paradise" in the mountains of North Carolina. Membership is available, but is a million dollars. Can you pay my way? Watch to find out!
Rampant Pelvises is a sort-of MTV-style dance show...only the music is good and the people are good-looking and deliberately sexy. All "outfits" are dropdead, and can be purchased from the show. Same with the music. You can even chat with the dancers and set up 5-minute dates with them. Great for the kiddies!
Mama and Dada
A surreal show about how everyone's mother wants to be a Dadaist, but is invariably thwarted by agents from the cruel and lazy planet of Husbandry. Watch as the Husbands move in and remove toilet seats from the walls, only to leave the lid up elsewhere.
Canned Laughter is a new concept in TV. First we set up situations where people say unfunny things to each other, and then we edit in uproarious laughter so the viewer thinks that what was said is actually funny! On second thought...most "comedy" shows are just this! Oh well... Watch anyway. It's unfunny in a funny way.
When Power Rangers failed to edify the children of America, but instead taught then how to beat each other up, a bunch of producers and enlightened TV execs got together and decided it was time that children learn something more socially useful, like flower arranging. This is the result. A little slow, but no violence.
Documenting the strange lives of left-handed animals, Sir David Attenuationborough polishes his British accent to the low moans of widows statewide.
Seeing Godot Out
Godot has finally arrived, but was found to be a rather tedious soul, and so now the Becketts are trying to figure out how to get rid of him. In this episode, Fred Neechy, the neighbor suggests that Sam (Beckett) coerce the local newspaper to use "Godot is Dead" as their headline on Sunday. Godot does not move. But watch anyway.
First you had America's Funniest. Then came World's Funniest. Enter World's Sexiest... The show that features the sexiest everything in the world. Home videos, music, cars, jets, resorts, nightclubs, cities, countries, grocery stores...you name it. It's all on World's Sexiest!
The Busch family never seemed to be able to make it out of the '80s. Never really wanted to! Watch as this ludicrous family lives out their pathetic '80s lifestyle to the derision of their more evolved and hip neighbors.
Road rage. Traffic jams. Standing in lines. These are among the many earmarks of the brick-and-mortar world, and this show is here to laugh at the people who have yet to make it to the Netizenry. Come join in the revelry! Or don't!!
Thought by some to be more insidious than Space Invaders, Time Invaders are those people who take up way too much of your precious American time. This is their side of the story.
The show for Stand-up comedians with low self-esteem. "If I bomb...so what! I am a walking tragedy!" Although many performances really are tragic, an occasional funny slips through now and again. See if you can spot one!
Everyone Now a Millionaire
Next month we will examine the next great revolution after the blog explosion, and that is, of course, the energy explosion...or shall I say, the energy "implosion"? Since Night vision has now removed all need for lighting, energy consumption has dropped to a mere trickle, the earth is cooling back down, and Mother Nature is smiling down upon us with grateful, knowing eyes. And you can bet those eyes are fashioned with a pair of Omnivision Nightwear from Shadewear International. The finest name in darkness correction.
Civilized countries are now being known for the darkness, rather than the abundance of light, since civilized countries are now converting to nightvision as a way to stave off darkness, rather than the old caveman tactic of trying to light everything around you, which is now known to be light pollution anyway!
The glasses are not only for night vision, however. One may also access the Internet, watch TV, use them as binoculars, stereo microscopes or telescopes although with nowhere near the resolution of the Hubble as yet, and yes! They also protect your eyes from bugs!
They are also corrected for astigmatism!
Anyway, we will be writing on this subject next month...so please come back. And keep the lights off for us!
North Carolina State has been chosen to be a testing ground for the newly motorized beer, since everyone there drinks, and nearly everyone is as suggestible as they come, and therefore make nice guinea pigs for the tobacco, alcohol, cola and pharmaceuticalists, where a certain degree of gullibility is required in order to believe the ludicrous claims that are made by these nutty industries.
At any rate, there is sure to be a lot of good, clean binging going on, thanks to Buttviper and indeed, the entire addictive liquids industry. And you thought beer and motors didn't go together!
Simply copy the following document, paste it into your own editor, and then fill in the title, character, or pertinent information in the underlined areas, being sure to erase the underlines at some time during the process. There are a few other instructions enbedded within the document, and they will be designated with [brackets].
[TITLE GOES HERE]
Forced by function to adonize the bedswerving bedlamites from an illth of worthies, one unearths, as you have shown, a veritable avium of jar-owls, among them, the rantallionic and yclept Mr._______ (who infect with every ejaculum) -- as certainly you must have been [forced], wrinkling and besmirched with that freedom stench -- this unctious fotzepolitik so redolent with stinkfoot fotzepolitik, and, my gosh, did you ever hit the head on the nail! (Muses! Where are you?)
Expose as you will the backsides of our masculine fundamentals, you shed light on the up and down side of invagination with ludibund and comely juvenescence. My cup runneth over! Facinosum est! To watch rather than to think.
But your ________ snakes up our collective spine and sparks the tip of our crown, generating uploads of mentation, tossing our brainsalads aside, to then fro then back again. You have touched our minds, and you have touched our sex. Now can you touch our hearts?
In a very real, yet post-modern, way -- you do. And it is strange how the description and placement of ___________ can download heaping helpings of that warm stuff that touches our hearts open. And yet, I come away with that admonicle of wisdom, touching all ports, that one only hopes for but rarely receives in contemporary "merkin" letters.
Your choice of detail was insightful and jocose, and your dichotomization of ________ I found, particularly compelling. ________'s concupiscent yet insouciant attitude toward the ebb and flow of partners, in this case coincident upon the venerable institution of _____________, might catch a lot of men-in-quotation marks one ball shy, who have notions about female desire and its relation to __________ that can rightly be called naive, if not mounting an all-out atavisticulum on the hingehead populoi who follow along, purblind puppets, fake giants among real pygmies, hoping that the woman will get pissed enough in the English sense to swashbuckle his pants and grunts of simian lippitude and reach toward the sausage that Vienna made famous, then faint with thoughts of nanotechnologies attacking her overcompensated thorax. So be it! Carpe Noctem! You deserve the light of a billion suns!
[Your name goes here]
Sirius Gathers Water From Thirsty and Weirded-Out Earth
SIRIUS--Things are looking pretty grim here in Sirius, as the Plaiedians are utilizing the fact that they have 7 stars over Sirius' mere 2. The whole thing, Peter, is that it is all so cosmic, at least from the perspective of a merely planetary being. The problem, it seems, is that a Sirian comet was sold to "the Plaiedes Islands" (as they prefer to call their home [which we should respect -editor]) but the check never cleared, and in the meantime the comet got away, and dropped a good bit of its payload on Earth...which, as you may recall, Peter, was how we got here in the first place. And so they are fighting over who will come to earth to recollect the water, and then on to the Islands, the check will be released, bla, bla, bla.
This little skirmish, which I am now dodging and witnessing, intermittently, is really nothing more than a venting of tensions, I suspect, and normalized relations will probably return in only a few short millennia.
Lastly, I would like to apologize for throwing in those subliminal sexual innuendoes. In defense, I will only say that I could have used a stronger word than peter. And editor! I told you it wasn't supposed to be capitalized!!
It seems the "line of liars" show that they put on before congress created such interest in addictive products, and their unfair advantage over the consumer, that all of the addictive products and services are now coming under the microscope. Colas, coffee, alcoholic beverages, nasal sprays, and other products that have addictive substances added to them are currently under fire, and much money is due to change hands.
It is not too late to become addicted to a product, and thus qualify for a portion of the class action settlement. For more information on how to become an addict, please call us and we will send you a current pusher list.
"One day we might see doctors with guns, healing patients over great distances...with the help of vitabombs, vitabullets, and so on. There is talk about a grenade launched herbal salad as well as an Intercontinental Ballistic "Hot Bar." At any rate there is a lot of excitement going on at the place where guns meet medicine. Some day guns may be able to conquer death completely. Look at how effectively they cure life! It is but a few short steps from life to death, and now guns are making the distance even shorter. Guns Longa, Vita Brevis!
But Food Animals are Happier!
Pooterville, GA.--With the recent, and most unfortunate, rash of exploding cow barns, scientists have been discovering that cow farts are largely constructed of the highly flammable and explosive Methane gas, which is why the barns explode, even with the simplest of static sparks. Imagine! A simple poot doing that! Now they are discovering that the gas causes vertigo if exposure is excessive.
One amusing footnote is that the child upon whom the study was performed was born on a Thursday, which prompted the cute but precocious boy to name the condition..."fartigo", which brought guffaws, chortles, gasps, and various other forms of proto-language. So now when people say that "Thursday's Child has far to go", it just might help you to remember the bravery of this young child of Thursday who, almost single-handedly, brought proper ventilation to America's fine slaughterhouses...who have not had a very good year due to bad karma.
Monday, February 27, 2006
All actions of the Bush Administration are geared toward fattening the wallets of one or more of their inner circle...usually at the expense of everyone else. Bush is selling short our security in order to please Treasury Secretary John Snow, who stands to rake in millions.
Not in the inner circle? Feeling no tangible benefits from the Bush years?
Quit voting for the crooks!
The Fox That Cried Wolf
Karl Roverer, the so-called "genius" behind the so-called "successful" Bush residency, is still with the use of the hindbrain, from which he now predicts a stunning Republican victory in 2008, according to infamous catamite to the Reich, Matt Drudge, and slick Fox-fed opportunist, Bill Sammon -- neither of whom bear the least resemblance to Nostrodamus.
Mr. Sammon is hawking his new book, which is running with the title, "Strategery", which, for all we know, is but a vain attempt to legitimate one of Bush's copious blunders, in much the same way that Bush's whipping boys keep repeating "nucular" -- a move which only moves the speaker down into the sub-cerebral bushosphere.
Drudge, Rove & Sammons. Foxes that cry wolf. On cue. Pavlov's foxes. Ring the bell and turds as words begin to flow into a sort of cloaca of consciousness, or unconsciousness, the aggregate of which we refer to collectively as simply BushWorld.
BushWorld! Where the Tao fears to tread, and Nature knows no Reason.
BushWorld! The darkening of the Light.
BushWorld! Where the world is an oyster for the Topnazis to molest with their mouths, and spit up on the poor.
It's a stratragedy. Written by a shakespoon.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
The other morning I woke up from a dream where I was sitting, chatting with Ed Cone. It was a very pleasant conversation, although I forget what we discussed. Perhaps we discussed why Michelangelo named his sculpture "David" instead of "Dave". Not sure. Probably blogging stuff.
This has nothing to do with anything, except, perhaps, the way bloggers intermingle on the psychic plane. I did hear someone last night say that the Internet was God, and that it was God as the Internet, which saved this woman's life. I wish I had paid more attention to the discussion.
But back to the coming Edwardian Age, when all things Edward rise to the top, just as all things George step down. Happens all the time.
But along with the Army of Edwards comes "An Army of Davids", which, if you haven't heard, is a new book by blogfather, Glenn Reynolds, who most know as Instapundit. Somehow I think that if he would have chosen the name, "Blogtivedanta" or "Anonymoses", he wouldn't have become nearly so popular. But he is not a stupid fellow, and now this unstupid fellow has penned a collection of words for the paper world. And Edward Cone has reviewed it.
He also interviewed Mr. Reynolds, which can also be read at the same post.
As a David and a blogger, I must say that I feel compelled to buy the book, although there are other bloggers' books in front of him. Perhaps I shall open a bookstore that carries only books by bloggers. Think I'll let it ripen a bit first though.
Have you ever felt unfocused? Do you ever get the sense that your host is scintillant with unfocusizationality? Well, if you do, I want to join your camp, for we can win this one. Sometimes, in fact, I feel like Mister Shandy himself, with my life but one series of absurd digressions.
And so it is with great struggle that I force my fingers to stray back to the topic of "An Army of Davids"...which now, upon tertiary mentation, strikes me as a tad too militant for my tastes. I mean...why "Army"? Why not Peace Corps or Coast Guard? I guess "A Coast Guard of Davids" would sound a little Bunuelian for ricecake America. And yet that might be preferred to "A Coast Guard of Osamas"...which is how many are portraying the Fox/Chickenport Vulnerability Act, or whatever they are calling it -- which, from a systemic POV, would seem to weaken the boundary subsystem, and thus threaten the whole in question.
What no one is saying though is that America would not have to entertain such options had we not squandered and plundered the treasury. But now that the Norquistians of the world have succeeded in drowning America in their evil little bathtub, corporations are having to slough off pensions, and America is having to hand over our largest points of vulnerability to those who could do us harm.
As someone who tries to be universally xenophiliacal, I think it would be foolhardy to summarily discount the notions brought forth by the Bush Administration that it would be fine to hand over ports to the UAE, who, in the main, have been friendly. My own, albeit limited, experience with citizens of Dubai have been cordial and even delightful. These are not animals. These are industrious human beings, but, for what it's worth, quite devout in their religion.
But could these people harm us? Sure! I suppose, if they wanted to. I am not naive enough to think that they would spare us just because a few of their citizens had nice dinner conversations with some Americans back in the 70s.
Nor am I naive enough to think that they are all as polite and pacifistic as the ones I met. But having met them, and having had a pleasant concurrence, I would tend to say that we could give them a chance...and probably also have checks and balances just to prevent temptation from bribes or other untoward activities.
So I stay out of the debate. And digress once again.
"The Army of Davids" apparently has little if anything to do with real armies, but rather speaks to the issue of individual empowerment as witnessed by the rise of blogs, which though often singularly wrought, commands audiences as vast as what could once only be garnered by Goliaths of Industry.
'Bout damn time!
But this new paradigm is not about Davids replacing Goliaths, but rather a world flattened such that both are on more equal footing.
I really do need to shut up and eat something...