Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Letterman Classic Latenight: Anne Hathaway, Jim Gaffigan, Dashboard Confessional

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway (actress) (born 1982), American actress
Anne Hathaway (Shakespeare) (1556-1623), wife of the playwright

Hathaway was born in Brooklyn, New York to what she has described as a "solidly upper-class family".[1] Her father, Gerard Hathaway, is a lawyer, and her mother, Kate McCauley, is an actress who inspired Hathaway to follow in her footsteps;[1] her maternal grandfather was Joe McCauley, a Philadelphia radio pioneer. Hathaway, who has Irish ancestry on her father's side, grew up in the Catholic religion with what she describes as "really strong values",[1] and wanted to be a nun during her childhood.[2] She shares her name with Anne Hathaway, the wife of playwright William Shakespeare.
Hathaway grew up in
New Jersey and graduated from Millburn High School, and also spent several semesters studying at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York, before transferring to New York University.

Methinks Mr. Letterman has a crush on the young princess...

Jim Gaffigan

Gaffigan Quotes:

"I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin."
"You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither."
"My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'"
"It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H."
"There's a different kind of pride where I'm from. It's not like, 'We're from New York; we're tough,' or, 'We're from Texas; we like things big.' It's more like, 'We're from Indiana and... we're gonna move!'"
"I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'"
"Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden, and my mother was Elton John. He was a very good mommy!"
"Isn't it strange, when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're in a couple, all you see is hookers?"
"I was looking at a box of hot pockets and they have a warning on the side. It's like 'Warning! You just bought Hot Pockets! Hope you're drunk or heading home to a trailer! You hillbilly, enjoy the next NASCAR event!'"
"I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda."
"It would have been hard to get Jesus presents back then. 'Cause whatever you got him he'd be like'Oh, pair of socks , thanks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the SOCKS. They'll go great with my sandals, what am I , German?'"
"Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!"
"I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'"
"There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea."
"What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'"
"My wife always wants me to go to confession - don't get me wrong, it's not as if I don't enjoy lying to a holy man."
"How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'"
"Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?"
"I'm blind, bald, and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene."
"Ever go to IHOP? I don't know why they call it IHOP. When I leave there I don't ever feel like hopping. They should call it, 'I barely move.' 'I need a wheelchair.'"
"I have trouble even remembering the prayers...Our Father, Who Art in Heaven without the approved written consent of Major League Baseball."