Friday, July 28, 2006

How to Cause the World to NOT End

It's a whole new world...
It's an entirely diffident point of view.

In the very very secret and very unique and interesting "World Maintenence Manual", there are a number of things that Juan may do in order to prevent the world from ending, which is considered, by some, to be mauvaise foi and entirely unfun. I disagree, but not with that.

Included in the list:

- Make war, itself, a crime. Arrest and incarcerate all those who participate.

- Truth in advertising. Call "War" by its real names: "Mass Murder" and "Serial Killing", and consider all those involved mass murderers and serial killers.
As Chaplin noted, "numbers sanctify". Not good. If one man kills, he is a murderer, but if a thousand kill, they are heroes. Desanctify number. Truth in advertising.

- When you find a leader who consistently makes the wrong decision (like George W. Bush)...use him! Ask him his view on the problem, and then do THE OPPOSITE of what he says. If, for example, he says "no ceasefire", know that the correct answer is "yes ceasefire". Most smart people know this already, but just look at the buffoons who still "stay the course" with every daft dictum of the dafter dictator, ever-dialed into Dick the Dastard: Dark Deity.

- Realize that the Foolwells of the world are literally banking on Armageddon. Deny them their Satanic visions. Create a a long, flexible tube wide enough for, say, Rush Limbaugh or Jerry Foolwell, and then put one end in the vacuum of Space: the final frontier. Then simply suck these Foolwells out into space. It may be the only sucking they've received in their ugly waste of a life. Very good for world maintenence, since these thumping egos are but shills for those who profit from the earth's rapine and destruction. What we call tree fuckers. See also: Exxon/Mobil, Halliburton

- Empower all the world's women. Men have devolved to the point where their mass-murdering wiles freely include women and children. No woman would stand for this. Women have to carpe the diem... and millennium.

- Elect wise leaders with a record of world maintenence, like Al Gore, John Edwards, Robert Redford, Constance Rice or The Yogurthead Man. Sex-changes are easy these days, even fun! (I've done it three times now, and am now working on my second species change. Genus is next.)

So you see, it is not too late. You don't have to give up and lose everything just because a moron from Texas is so power-crazed that he wants to bring it all down with him. Let HIM go down instead, then laugh at him derisively for having such evil and adolescent notions. Send in the clowns, and lock up the serial killing mass murderers.

Future and Fun begin with "f. u..."
So tell your president "F. U." next time you see him.
This will cause the world to not end.

(Cross-posted on The American Street)