"The Nihilist's Holiday" by Tom Simoneaux
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from the book:
"...I do not belong, anywhere, to anything. Any attempt to dig myself a toehold in the social upslope succeeds only in shoveling my coffinhole a little deeper. Nearly twenty-five, and all the people I know are strangers, ciphers, ghosts. I have held apart from others and kept silent and gone cynical and avoided lowering myself into the messy ordinariness of life. Hours, days, months and years slink past in solitude. My ears buzz with the silence."