OCTOBER 9, 2005
BLOGSBORO, NC
TARHEEL TAVERN
ConvergeSouth
It was a weekend unlike any other in this small Southern city. Celebrities and blogebrities were everywhere. You would trip on them as you walked. And if you ran, forget about it, collision with fame was a certitude. Anyone who was anyone was in Blogsboro to lend their support, influence and money to the blogtival, and to the historically African-American institution who was hosting the event this momentous and pivotal year. So far, over a million has been raised, which will go toward creating a "Blogospheric Studies" department at A & T University, along with scholarships and such, as well as other projects like the network of "poverty oases" hosted by the University of North Carolina, at their many branches -- with Greensboro, Chapel Hill and A & T triangulating as pioneers, soon to be in all branches.
(A "poverty oasis" is a place in the university where the poor and luckshy can come and gain valuable skills, connections, food and work. )
"Word of this event started to saturate the media by late summer", says blogger Synonymoses, "and before long Hollywood and Independent directors were fighting over the rights to covering the event.
Spielberg wanted to call his "Blogging Private Ryan", about war-bloggers during the current unpleasantness in Iraq.
Michael Moore pitched for "Blogging for Columbine", a story about how students are sublimating their violent urges and learning how not to kill people by killing time instead.
David Lynch's "Oil Peaks" is about Peak Oil and its coverage in the blogosphere.
The Farrelly Brothers' "Jog Blog" will star Jack Black as a jogging blogger.
Francis Ford Coppola is doing "The Blogfather" about Mister Ed Cone, pioneer and gentleman blogger.
George Lucas will do "Blog Wars" to get more of the anger out.
Gus Van Sant's "Even Cowgirls get the Blogs" is about how the blogosphere is now seeping from the Headland into the Heartland.
James Cameron pitched"Blogtanic" but retracted it when told it would not hold water.
John Hughes' "Blog Alone" is about a blogger's life prior to discovering the blogosphere.
John Sayles' "Blogwan" is a story about West Virginia bloggers who rebel against their ISP after The Bhagwan is reincarnated as Glenn Reynolds, who proceeds to make them all drive Rolls-Royces and chant nonsense in Hindi.
Jonathan Demme is working on "Stop Making Blogs" and the sequel, "Silence of the Blogs".
Kevin Costner's "Steppin' with Wolves" is about a night out with FOX executives.
Martin Scorsese's "Raging Blog" covers the more vituperative bloggers among us.
Mike Nichols' "Who's afraid of Virginia Blogs"is about the lack of blogging representation from Virginia, our state to the north (should you have forgotten).
Oliver Stone, what else?: "GWB"
Quentin Tarantino - "Blog Fiction", about the work of Billy the Blogging Wordjones and others.
Richard Linklater "Slack Blogger" is a blogumentary about yours truly.
Rob Reiner's "Spinal Blog" is about bogus blog musicians.
Robert Altman... "B*L*O*G"
Tim Robbins' "Blog Roberts", about the blogging of neo-Supreme, John Roberts and/or a simple love story about bloggers who are named Robert.
Steve Martin's "Blogfinger"is about Carpel-Tunnel syndrome.
Tim Burton's "Edward Bloggerhands"another movie about Carpel-Tunnel.
Woody Allen & Roman Polanski are whipping together "Young Girls Who Blog".
Robert Redford's "Horse Yeller" is a sort of cross between "Old Yeller" and "Horse Whisperer", only the character yells at his horse, mainly because he is still using dialup.
Spike Lee's "Blog the Right Thang" is a blogumentary joint about ConvergeSouth.
One mustn't overlook the music at this veritable Blogstock, this Blogapalooza, this Tangleblog. All the best bands in the South were in attendance. REM, Dave Matthews, James Taylor, Allman Brothers, Ryan Adams, Josh Joplin, Love Tractor, B52s, Hootie, Arvo Part, and all the rest. Oops. Arvo is not from down here. Maybe next time.
Writers and novelists, always curious, also came out in droves, as did political beings such as Jesse Jackson (an alumnus of A&T), John Edwards and Liddy Dole. Andy Griffith even made a cameo appearance, whistling that famous melody, and partaking in a discussion on poverty with Mister Edwards and his lovely wife, Elizabeth.
The hightlight was, of course, the appearance of Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton...who stole the show even more than Mister Internet himself, Al Gore, who was also there. Along with their esteemed and beautiful wives!
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates made appearances, as did Misters Ellison, Grove and Chambers. Flipper and Lassie were allowed in free. Flipper, bless his heart, wound up having people throw buckets of cold water on him, and complained that the sidewalks needed sweeping.
Of course, the cream of the blogosphere were in attendance, including Hoder, Jay Rosen, Dan Gillmor, Sybril Bennett, Nancy McLaughlin, David Hoggard, John Robinson, Lex Alexander, Ruby Sinreich, Ed Cone, Michael Moran, Christie Seals, Allison Perkins, John Teleha, Ted Vaden, DeWayne Wickham, Jeff Jarvis, Phil Meyer, Bob Steele, Francisco Camara, George Curry, Kevin Sites, Duncan Black (Atrios), Amanda Congdon, Dave Winer, Sandy Carmany, Tiffany Brown, Herb Everett, Roch Smith, Jr., Ruby Sinreich, Michael Bowen, Jimmy Wales, Sue Polinsky, Iddybud, Seth Godin, Dave Taylor, BL Ochman, (Sir Tristram) Tris Hussey, Toby Bloomberg, Andy Wibbels, Denise Wakeman, Steve Rubel, Rick Bruner, Wayne Hurlbert, John Jantsch, Neville Hobson, Biz Stone, Eric Alterman, Stowe Boyd, Henry Copeland, Wil Wheaton, Wiley Wiggins, Cory Doctorow, Arianna Huffington, Al Franken, Lawrence Lessig, Doc Searls, David Corn, Katrina Vanden Heuvel, James Wolcott, Juan Cole, Matthew Yglesias, Andrew Sullivan, Evan Williams, and God herself!
Can't wait to see the movies!"
Are you through now, Mister, ah, Synonymoses?
"Quite! Except to thank hometown bank, Bank of America, for their generous sponsorship."
And now a word from ProductPlacement...
ConvergeSouth
BE THERE OR BE STUPID
