Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Robarchek writes his Living Will

via Charlotte Observer

Charlotte's master of risibility, Doug Robarchek sets the record straight...

Let's make it clear here

We don't know who was "right" in the Terri Schiavo case. Personally, we can't imagine anyone wanting to go on indefinitely in that twilight between life and death. For ourself, to be perfectly clear in case the question ever arises:Unplug me. Turn me off. Unhook the tubes. Shut down the machinery. Cash me out. Write a big "30" at the bottom of my paper. Call the game on account of darkness. The last one out, turn out the lights.

Cancel my subscription. Shut down the power plant. Pull me out of the game, coach, and clean out my locker.

Give me the deep six. Hang up the phone. Cancel my card and close my account. Take the coffeepot off the stove. Take me off the clock and retire my number. Announce that "Doug has left the building."

Tell the milkman no more deliveries. Turn off the camera, cut the film, send the crew home and say, "That's a wrap." Throw my glass in the fireplace and pass around what's left in the bottle.

Wish me a peaceful rest and don't set my snooze alarm. Make my bed, light the light, tell the blackbird I said bye-bye, and don't wait up.

Are there any questions?