[from our Humorous Headlines Series]
BACKWATER, TX--Jedidiah Drudge has been sentenced to life imprisonment for wiping his bum on a bush. Or at least that's the way he tells it. Others say he was plainly having sex with the bush, and sex with plants is illegal in Texas.
In unrelated news, Matt Drudge is reported by an intern to have had an affair with Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts.
Thanks to Internet sleuth, Tom Burka, for digging up this gem.