BRUGES, BELGIUM-- Belgian scientists have discovered that gunshot wounds are one of the leading caused of lead poisoning, and that lead poisoning is the reason most people die from fatal gunshot wounds. The findings have lead some scientists to ponder the possibility of making bullets out of vitamins, nuts, minerals or other substances which have less deleterious effects on lifeforms.
"One day we might see doctors with guns, healing patients over great distances...with the help of vitabombs, vitabullets, and so on. There is talk about a grenade launched herbal salad as well as an Intercontinental Ballistic "Hot Bar." At any rate there is a lot of excitement going on at the place where guns meet medicine. Some day guns may be able to conquer death completely. Look at how effectively they cure life! It is but a few short steps from life to death, and now guns are making the distance even shorter. Guns Longa, Vita Brevis!