Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Sirians, Plaiedians Battle Over Water Rights

Sirius Gathers Water From Thirsty and Weirded-Out Earth

SIRIUS--Things are looking pretty grim here in Sirius, as the Plaiedians are utilizing the fact that they have 7 stars over Sirius' mere 2. The whole thing, Peter, is that it is all so cosmic, at least from the perspective of a merely planetary being. The problem, it seems, is that a Sirian comet was sold to "the Plaiedes Islands" (as they prefer to call their home [which we should respect -editor]) but the check never cleared, and in the meantime the comet got away, and dropped a good bit of its payload on Earth...which, as you may recall, Peter, was how we got here in the first place. And so they are fighting over who will come to earth to recollect the water, and then on to the Islands, the check will be released, bla, bla, bla.
This little skirmish, which I am now dodging and witnessing, intermittently, is really nothing more than a venting of tensions, I suspect, and normalized relations will probably return in only a few short millennia.
Lastly, I would like to apologize for throwing in those subliminal sexual innuendoes. In defense, I will only say that I could have used a stronger word than peter. And editor! I told you it wasn't supposed to be capitalized!!