Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Water Found on Mars

And Just in Time Too!
Human Origins Also Discovered

Thank God for small miracles! In a last minute effort, terrestrial scientists raced another robot up to Mars before everyone could let the mishaps of the last big adventure set in. And what did they find? No, not Timothy Leary. . . Water, stupid! Water!

Upon closer inspection of said water, the terrestrial scientists discovered, to their chagrin I might add, (but when isn't it?) that the water contained what appeared to be Human Spores, which has prompted them to assign varying meanings to this finding, and one of these is that we, humans that is, were once little spore-type-thingies, and we lived on Mars until it got too cold and we hijacked rides on comets which then smashed into the earth's atmosphere thus releasing us in the form of cosmic rain, if you will, which then filled up the oceans and Coca-Cola bottling plants.

How we became soft drinks is a deep subject which I only wish I had the time to tell, but alas, I must investigate further, ever further, bringing out the most newsy news consumable. It is my job. My life. My metier.

Now, back to you, Dan.