CIA Official Reveals Bush, Cheney, Rice Were Personally Told Iraq Had No WMD in Fall 2002

Think Progress ? 60 Minutes

BRADLEY: So, in the fall of 2002, before going to war, we had it on good authority from a source within Saddam’s inner circle that he didn’t have an active program for weapons of mass destruction?

DRUMHELLER: Yes.

BRADLEY: There’s no doubt in your mind about that?

DRUMHELLER: No doubt in my mind at all.

BRADLEY: It directly contradicts, though, what the President and his staff were telling us.

DRUMHELLER: The policy was set. The war in Iraq was coming, and they were looking for intelligence to fit into the policy, to justify the policy.

Charlotte Observer Blogs: From Preamble to Amble

The Pulitzer Prize winning Charlotte Observer now has several bloggers on their staff. But it was not always the case. In some ways, they had to be drawn into the blogosphere kicking and screaming. Well, sort of...

PREAMBLE - Anti-Blog Rant from Charlotte Observer Columnist and the Aftermath
excerpts:
Meanwhile, speaking of Carolina and blogging and the related conference, let’s not pick just on those who see blogging as a panacea. A blog-based economy can’t replace textile jobs. But really, is blogging as nefarious as a semi-coherent Charlotte Observer column would have you believe? Observer staffer John McBride wrote a beaut headined Will blogs liberate us or just bog us down? (password required). Just what qualifies McBride to knock blogging? It’s more of a social thing than a technical thing. Who cares if his column identifies him as an applications analyst with Microsoft training? Maybe he also holds a Ph.D. in sociology, but from afar, this guy strikes me as totally clueless about the possibilities of the Net’s many-to-many mode. Read a rebuttal from Anonymoses, aka David Beckwith, spotted via Ed Cone’s blog.

Related: Anonymous finally got his wish, from David Hoggard, as well as coverage of the blogger’s conference in Chapel Hill from the Barber Shop Blog, Science and Politics and others. You can also hear Dave Winer–the blog-based economy guy–via an MP3 from a Greenboro blogging conference recorded by audioactivism.org. Actually I think he did a pretty good Phil Donahue routine in drawing the audience out.

AMBLE - Charlotte Observer Bloggers
BLOG You Write The Caption - Kevin Siers
BLOG This Old State - Jack Betts
BLOG The Naked City - Mary Newsom
BLOG Tom Talks - Tom Sorenson
BLOG Tommy's Table - Tommy Tomlinson
BLOG From the Hip - Crystal Dempsey
BLOG Paid to Party - Tonya Jameson
BLOG Idol Thoughts - Jen Aronoff
BLOG Girl About Town - Emily A. Benton
BLOG Games N Gadgets - Langston Wertz Jr.
BLOG Out of the Red - Amy Baldwin
BLOG On the S.C.ene - Various bloggers
BLOG Inside the Panthers - Pat Yasinskas
BLOG Inside the NBA - Rick Bonnell
BLOG Life in the Turn Lane - David Poole
BLOG Stork-Raving Mad - Tracy Curtis

17 blogs! Not too shabby! But why am I not on there??
(My email is baruchthescribe at yahoo dot com . Give me an offer I can't refuse.)

It should be noted that John McBride now hosts the excellent "Under the Water Tower" blog.

Proof the President has no Class

Rule #1: When you meet the leader of the oldest continuous civilization in the world who basically owns you...do not tug at his sleeve. Do not pinch him. Do not grab him in any way, even if you are losing balance.


(hat tip to bildungblog)

33% of US trusts Bush. 5% of US trusts those who trust Bush.

Maureen (Mo) Gilmer

Mo Gilmer

From the Library of Phat Robertson

Ten Years Behind

"I'd love to nuke the world"
Dubya Bush & Ten Years Behind


Everywhere is freakin' Larries
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is Hannity...
Faxed the rich, peed the poor
Blame it all on Michael Moore.

I'd love to nuke the world
But I don't know what I do
So I'll leave it all to you...

Population keeps on bleeding,
Nation building still more needing economy...
Wife is funny, lies are money,
Beaches sunny, Hume leads media monopoly.

I'd love to nuke the world
But I don't know what I do
So I'll leave it all to you....

World pollution, still no solution
Sinstitution, electio-cution...
Just black and white, rich and poor
Them and us, start the war!

Rush Limbaugh boasts: "9/11 was NOT a Tragedy!"

and mocks Senator Kennedy for calling it a tragedy

At around 1:50PM today, the megaphone of the reich, boasted that "9/11 was NOT a tragedy", after Senator Edward Kennedy said that it was a tragedy.

Rush is living proof that you can't buy class.

Katharine McPhee is the American Idol to beat

Anonymoses' American Idol Assessment, April 18, 2006

Simon was spot on tonight, as were all of the judges, pretty much, tonight.
Kelly was the one to mess up, and she and everyone knew it, and Kat soared to heights beyond even that of the others, who were, in the main, very good tonight.

California Katherine takes the night. But Chris Daughtry also does well, since he has been splitting the North Carolina vote with Kellie. One even wonders if Kellie intentionally messed up so that Chris, and maybe even Katharine, might fare better. She may actually prefer that someone else wins.

Taylor Hicks was, as Simon said, "pure magic" but only at the end of the song...where he proved why should be up there. What started lame, wound up powerful and moving.

Paris Bennett did a beautiful job but, as Simon alluded, her off-song presence is lacking. Perhaps a product of her youth and inexperience.

Elliot and Ace did fine jobs, but neither have attained the heights of Kellie, Kat, Chris or Paris.

If Kellie is not punished for her slip up this week, I suspect Eliot or Ace will walk.

Chris, Kat and Taylor move up this week, and Kellie is newly vulnerable.

Great job all!

Blog Forward: Tools, Toys & Gifts for Bloggers

logo by Anonymoses

Blog Forward: Merchandise for Bloggers

Logo by Anonymoses

Shining

"Shining"
lyrics by Badly Drawn Boy

Faith pours from your walls, drowning your calls
I've tried to hear, you're not near.
Remembering when I saw your face
Shining my way, pure timing...
Now I've fallen in deep, slow silent sleep.
It's killing me, I'm dying...
to put a little bit of sunshine in your life.

Soleil all over you,
Warm sun pours over me,
Soleil all over you,
Warm sun...

Now this slick fallen rift came like a gift,
Your body moves ever nearer...
and you will dry this tear, now that we're here,
And grieve for me, not history...
But now I'm dry of thoughts, wait for the rain,
Then it's replaced, sun's setting...

and suddenly you're in love with everything...

Soleil all over you,
Warm sun pours over me,
Soleil all over you,
Warm sun...

American Idol, John Edwards, demonstrates his removable ear.

Nonny's American Idol Assessment, April 11, 2006

anonyMoses ponders the Idols


Twilight of the Idols

I'm still moved by Katharine McPhee's beautiful performance of Queen's "Who wants to live forever?". So far, she is the one who deserves victory. Then comes Chris Daughtry, who was also preternatural...

(Sorry. Had to get back to the tube. Now hours have passed.)

As I was saying... Katharine had the most beautiful performance, and Chris made a strong, remarkable, comeback. Katharine may well have made a good choice in picking the more sedate song, but I frankly enjoy her hip action and flirty side. Lord knows Kellie has that side down, as she showed once again with her Reader's Digest condensed version of "Bohemian Rhapsody".
You can't bore someone into buying your product, and Kellie never expects you to. It will take her to, or next to, the top. Kellie and Katharine are the stars. Queen should scoop up Chris.

Paris was beautiful and sweet, but something tells me her youth will send her back for more life training.

When you have a case where all the people left have great voices, you begin whittling away at the visual aspects of idoldom. This is where Elliot gets cut. Then Bucky. Then Taylor. Paris is then cut because of youth, and we're left with Kellie and Katharine. I'm hoping for a draw.

Katharine's strong point is that she could and would probably do Sarah Brightman, Linda Eder, Dawn Upshaw, and the high end of the vocal art. Kellie might not know to do such things, and be sucked into being a bottom-feeder. Let us hope not.

Perhaps they will be given the opportunity to do some high art. This would certainly serve as a shake out. Why not see if they can handle America's very best singers? We've been everywhere else!

The Immigrant Problem in America, circa 1650

The year is 1650. English immigrants are pouring into North America with no letup in sight. They have babies and spread their kind even beyond the edge of the shore, which makes one think that they don't plan on going back any time soon. I hope that these newcomers at least realize whose place this is, and not start to think it is somehow theirs. But these are strange people, with short memories. They are also very "boundary-oriented" people, and like to build fences between themselves and others, as well as just between themselves. Not the friendliest of people.

Tribal chiefs are saying that we need to consider deporting these uninvited aliens. After all, they say, the white man does not respect the land or God's bounty thereupon. But I disagree. I do not think there will be many more of them. We should let them stay. Teach them the ways of Blackjack.

MORE ON THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF THE ENGLISH ALIENS
AND HOW THEY TURNED THE TABLES
IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF...

anonyMoses
Conscience of the Blogosphere

Dare this man be censured?

Granted, he is the greatest thing since sliced bread...
but do we really need a thing for a President?

Anonymoses' American Idol Assessment, April 4, 2006

My initial assessment is that it will probably come down to 3 people.
Katharine McPhee, Kellie Pickler and Paris Bennett. They are all the complete package. I'd love to see them join forces but suspect each will do smashingly well on their own.

Edwards Without Delay

Open your Third Nostril: Read the Moomin' Light Edition of Tarheel Tavern

The theme for this week's Tarheel Tavern is "strong opinions" - any kind of strong opinions, positive or negative. It's part of what I like about blogging - finding out what people really think. - Moomin Light

Ready for some strong opinion? It IS Sunday, after all!
Well head on over to Moomin's edition of...
Tarheel Tavern
"Don't just eat a hamburger. Eat the Hell out of it!"




*hat tip to Bob Dobbs and the Church of the Subgenius

The Opinion Age

The Opinion Age, the stunted little brother of the Information Age, is moving into adolescence.
Allow me to let my literary brother to speak my thoughts:

(George Bernard Shaw from "Man and Superman"

DON JUAN. "Pooh! why should I be civil to them or to you? In this
Palace of Lies a truth or two will not hurt you. Your friends are
all the dullest dogs I know.
They are not beautiful: they are only decorated.
They are not clean: they are only shaved and starched.
They are not dignified: they are only fashionably dressed.
They are not educated they are only college passmen.
They are not religious: they are only pewrenters.
They are not moral: they are only conventional.
They are not virtuous: they are only cowardly.
They are not even vicious: they are only "frail."
They are not artistic: they are only lascivious.
They are not prosperous: they are only rich.
They are not loyal, they are only servile;
not dutiful, only sheepish;
not public spirited, only patriotic;
not courageous, only quarrelsome;
not determined, only obstinate;
not masterful, only domineering;
not self-controlled, only obtuse;
not self-respecting, only vain;
not kind, only sentimental;
not social, only gregarious;
not considerate, only polite;
not intelligent, only opinionated;
not progressive, only factious;
not imaginative, only superstitious;
not just, only vindictive;
not generous, only propitiatory;
not disciplined, only cowed;
and not truthful at all--liars every one
of them, to the very backbone of their souls."

Not intelligent, only opinionated? Sound familiar?
Sounds like, well, ME, doesn't it!
(But that is just my opinion!)

Who was it that said: "Thinking is better than knowing, but seeing is better than thinking."?

White Supremacist Rush Limbaugh calls Rape Victims "Ho's"

Notorious civil rights foe, Rush Limbaugh, on his radio show today, referred to the Duke rape victims as "ho's" -- a derogatory term meaning "black whore". Granted, the apologist, and eventual fall guy for BushWorld, says a lot of things you might expect from a drunken college fratbrat, but Mr. Limbaugh dropped out of college three decades ago. Like so many childstars, Rush is stuck performing the same schtick to the same schmucks show after show,year after moribund after. No wonder these folks don't believe in evolution. They never evolve!

Like an ex-conservative friend of mine said just today: You can't trust Rush because he ALWAYS defends Bush. He doesn't have his own mind." Imagine how Rush must feel being of one mind with a man who makes Dan Quayle seem intelligent! At least Quayle never ordered the killing of thousands of people. His stock has actually risen because of Bush.

The great thing about listening to NPR, say, instead of Rush and his clones, is that you hear the full spectrum of opinion, from the best minds of our time, but you also get the added benefit of information, knowledge, wisdom, and good music. Not the adolescent misinformation and hyperventilations of a man still acting out his college fantasies, and clones.

Rush talks about manliness, but if he were a real man he would stand up to Bush once in a while, and take a chance. But alas, he is bought and paid for. He MUST say the things he says, or he is history. He is the man who could have been a Man, but chose excess instead.

What is full, empties. It's a fact of nature. And he's been full too long.
He should get out while he's ahead.

The first time ever I saw your face...

When I first arrived in Green Witch Village, I thought I had arrived in Greenwich Village, except I was surrounded my mountains, streams and otter. Lots of otter. More otter than you can shake a spear at. So don’t bring your spear. Bring someone else’s if you must, but do not, I repeat, do not, bring your own. Especially not the ruby-tipped one.

I had heard stories about how magical, even mystical, the mountains of North Carolina were, but I thought it was all legend…until I saw, and felt, for myself, the natural power of this ancient and venerated land…which, by the way, is in danger of being divvied up and sold to the highest bidder.

To find the actual village, you will require a guide of high spiritual caliber. If and when you are ready to go, that guide will appear, and whisper the words “Go go” into your left ear. It will be on a Sunday, and probably in the late afternoon.

You will then need to promptly slip into your go-go boots and miniskirt (or kilt), and follow him, blindfolded, on the back of a horse name Wildfire or Trigger. Sometimes Larry.

Do not press your go-go heels into the horse, as he would remind you of the story of Neitzsche or Kundera’s Karenin.

Please leave your cell phone in the nearest trashcan.
You are about to live.

See more progress on: Green Witch Village

Jill Carroll is free, saying she was treated mercifully

Jill Carroll

A Carol for Miss Carroll

A lot of people in the world are rejoicing today. I am one of them.
The Christian Science Monitor journalist, Jill Carroll, was released, unharmed, and says that she was treated well during her captivity. This is the kind of victory everyone celebrates.
May we, in turn, show some mercy. It's the right thing to do.

American Idol 2006: Tips for the contestants

Ace Young (Ace Jung), Bucky Covington, Chris Daughtry (Chris Dawtry), Elliott Yamin (Eliot Yeaman) , Katharine McPhee (Katherine Catherine McFee), Kellie Pickler, Lisa Tucker, Mandisa Hundley (Huntley), Paris (London) Bennett (Brokeit) and Taylor Hicks (Tailor Hyx).
These are the archons of celebrity; the Mozarts of our evening; Life Itself. Perhaps I overstate. I wish them all the best of luck, but wish they would dare to be extraordinary.

Were I to give each one of them one piece of advice it would be this:
Taylor...focus on your resemblance to George Clooney.
Ace...Do some James Taylor.
Bucky...your ancestors were the king's musicians in the court of King Charles. Widen and deepen your musical palate.
Chris...Keep going, even if you don't fit the American Idol mold.
Elliot...Consider theatre or comedy. They need singers too.
Lisa...you are still young. Maybe too young even. Your time will come.
Paris...you too may be too young, but your personality makes me think of you as a TV personality.
Mandisa...You might be better off pursuing opera or movies. You may be too good for American Idol.
Kellie...lose the stupid and emphasize the radiant sexiness.
Katharine...Stay yourself and quit wearing frumpy clothes.

In figure skating, the skater's routine is limited by the music. If you can find something classic, memorable, slightly complex, emotional and widely popular without being overdone...you should benefit from the utilization of priorities in song selection.

Meditate and do tai chi before performing so you will not appear wooden and mentally elsewhere or discombobulated.

At this point, you have to perform at your highest, as the standards have risen with each paring away.

Remember Robert Frost's dictum: "No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No joy in the writer, no joy in the reader."

The same applies to your performance. Bring us joy. Make us cry.

But remember...you are all winners, and all will benefit greatly from the experience and exposure. Don't fret if you lose, since you've actually won already.

Love what you are doing.

Meet the New Boss

ENCEES: North Carolina Blog Awards

FROM THE WEBSITE:

The ENCEES (here's the clue... NC) is designed specifically for them. All the hard slogging pajamhadeen, right here in North Carolina. They will hardly be mentioned in the National Awards. Here's Their Chance.The Format is the same as the Biggies, so you'll be familiar with the process...make your nominations in the Comment section. We'll run this first phase for a week or so, to establish our candidates. Twigs and Seeds will keep the Awards Diary at the top of the Front Page all week, with updates. When this phase is concluded ...the Runoff. Spread the Word, and...Good Luck!

Alt.Primetime by Rah Bourbon

From Huffington Post' Contagious Festival
BROKEBACK BUSH
Papa's Got a Brand New Baghdad
Impeach the Smirking Liar
Democrats Get Balls

OTHER FINE VIEWING
Cheney watches his cheerleaders
Open the Government
Tom the Dancing Bug
How do you describe Bush?

(Hattip to Rah Bourbon for the links)

ABC Producer Sent to Gulag for Dissing Fuhrer

Here is the memo that got ABC producer Green sentenced to Gulag Bushipelego. But a fine-toothed examination of the memo seems to reveal two different fonts.

In his defence, blogger Anonymoses reveals that Bush has been responsible for up to 147,000 tons of human puke, and even a few pints of cat puke.

"Faith-based Initiates": How Bush Paid Preachers to Get Out the Vote

Faith-based initiatives (wink wink) are a euphemism for Bush's paying preachers for getting out the vote, for him, in 2004 and in 2000.

What's a Kellie Pickler?

What's a Kellie (Kelli, Kelly, Kelley, Caeli) Pickler (Picoler, Pickle, Picker, Pickeler)?

Kellie Pickler is a singer and performer from Albemarle, North Carolina who has won the hearts of many viewers, but is in danger of losing a certain percentage due to her idiotic cliches.
She is a talented and beautiful singer, and will probably do well regardless of her standing on American Idol. But given that FOX is not a venue most intellectuals don't gravitate toward, her playing dumb may well benefit her. (I assume she is playing.)

But just as Kellie stock may have gone down, Bucky Covington's has gone up. His response when Chicken Little was sent packing was classy and warm.

Learn from each other and you both will do great things.

TV
kellie pickler 3-7
Kellie Pickler - I'm The Only One
Kellie Pickler - How Far
Kellie Pickler - Somethin' To Talk About

MORE MUSIC FOR KELLIE FANS
Supper's Ready - Genesis
King Crimson - "In The Court Of The Crimson King"
Genesis - the musical box
Epitaph - King Crimson Theme
Vista - Robert Fripp
King Crimson

Anonymoses TV : Week of March 20, 2006

Juggle with the Beatles

CLICK ON LINKS BELOW FOR MORE AMAZING TV.

BLOGGING
What is a blog? - Robert Scoble
What is a blog? - David Sifry
What is a blog? - Chris Pirillo - Money with blogs
What is a blog? - Howard Rheingold
Dutch Bloggies 2006

POLITICS
Eisenhower's Farewell Address to the American People
PNAC and the NEOCONs: wanted a new Pearl Harbor
Uncovered: The Whole Truth About The Iraq War
George Lakoff on Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think
"Stick It" from Boston Legal (James Spader)
The Boat and the Bomb : 20th Anniversary of the Bombing of the Rainbow Warrior
Iraq War - Chomsky
Election 2004: Republican Terror Manipulations, How They Work and Why
Al Franken, The Truth (with Jokes)
Being Opinionated in America: Maureen Dowd & Thomas Friedman
George Soros - The Bubble of American Supremacy
Nuclear Age Peace Foundation: 20th Annual Evening for Peace - Jonathan Schell and Harry Belafonte
Journalists Under Fire: Vietnam & Iraq
Iraq War - Staff Sergeant Jimmy Massey - Killing Civillians in Iraq
The Illuminati Families who Rule the World
Charlie Rose - Gore Vidal / Pierre Salinger
Frank Zappa on CNN's Crossfire (1986)
Clip from Manufacturing Consent
John and Yoko's Year of Peace
Cornel West - Democracy Matters
The Secret Government - Bill Moyers
John Edwards campaign speech
Speech by Al Gore on January 16th on Domestic Spying
A Conversation with William J. Clinton

HUMOR
Problems of Right-wing activists
Ed Thompson's Trumpet Duet
Long John Johnson, all the livelong day - Cat talking
Choco Party - Japanese Commercial
The Fartlighter
Chris Bliss - live comedy performance
Chris Bliss - television appearances
Monty Pythons the Knights and the Holy Grail
Farting Preacher
Titanic reenacted in 50 seconds

SPIRITUALITY
God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It
His Holiness - The XIV Dalai Lama
Krishnamurti with Trungpa Rimpoche
Lost Secrets of the Sacred Ark - Laurence Gardner
RUMI: POET OF THE HEART

FILM
Ritual In Transfigured Time - Maya Deren
Le voyage dans la lune - Melies
les francais au travail - Lumiere
Metropolis [1927] - Fritz Lang
un chien andalou - Luis Bunuel & Salvadore Dali
Man Ray Avant Garde Collection - Surrealist masterpieces
L'AGE D'OR [1930] - Luis Bunuel
Zero De Conduite 1933 - Jean Vigo
Battleship Potemkin - Eisenstein
Rhythm 21 - Hans Richter
Ballet mecanique - Fernand Leger
Nosferatu [1922]
His Girl Friday
My Man Godfrey $$

MUSIC
Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring - Josh Groban
I Saw Her Standing There - The Beatles
The Beatles - I'm Down - Live at Shea Stadium 1965
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds Music Video by The Beatles
John Coltrane - Naima Live 1965
John Coltrane - Live 1963
SummerFest 2004: Chick Corea: Rehearsal
The Kinks "Well Respected Man" on Beat Beat Beat!
Ten Years After - I'm going home (live woodstock)
Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead Tribute
Dave Clark Five - "Catch Us If You Can"
dead can dance - milan 2005
Jon Anderson - tour of the universe tour
Enya Tribute to WTC 9/11
Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds "Nature Boy" Music Video

CULTURE
Tim Leary before leaving us
Robert Anton Wilson, Part One
Robert Anton Wilson, Part Two
County Sligo, Ireland
Gurdjieff inParis (1949)
Gurdjieff & Friends tour France (1949)
Concert of Sacred Music by Gurdjieff
NASA - Hubble view of the universe
Life Beyond Earth and the Mind of Man 1975 - Ashley Montagu
African American Lives - Henry Louis Gates III
Maurice Sendak's "Where the Wild Things Are"
ArtsPass: John Singer Sargent 1856-1925
UNC vs Duke - Matt jumping over Bonfires
Andy Griffith Show: Andy Discovers America
The Biltmore Estate - Asheville, North Carolina

Hugo Chavez Incorrectly Identifies Bush as Donkey

Presidents at Play

President Chavez, lending further proof that presidents just aren't what they used to be, incorrectly mislabeled (or would that be correctly mislabeled?) our own President Bush as a donkey. And we donkeys are furious. Bush is, frankly, no donkey. Come on presidents! Crack the books if you have to.

But Chavez does not stop there! He also calls Bush a drunkard! A drunkard! Is he stuck in the 80s? Bush has not been a drunkard for a long time. But you've got to admit, it is a lot better than the his original accusation, where he called him "alcoholic Mr. Danger", perhaps referring to Nick Danger: Third Eye, of Firesign Theater notoriety.

Rummy Reminisces about Nazi Germany

Secretaries will talk!

Unlike George Clooney's Huffington blog, these are the secretary's actual words:

Some have described the situation in Iraq as a tightening noose, noting that "time is not on our side" and that "morale is down." Others have described a "very dangerous" turn of events and are "extremely concerned."

Who are they that have expressed these concerns? In fact, these are the exact words of terrorists discussing Iraq -- Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and his associates -- who are describing their own situation and must be watching with fear the progress that Iraq has made over the past three years.

In other words, regarding the American POV:
1. Time IS on our side.
2. Morale is UP
3. There has been a VERY SAFE turn of events.
4. No need for concern.

In other words...there is still a buck to be made on this farce.
His other streams of income, i.e., the Bird Flu Scare, lobbyist for private water, and hair wax showman are rolling right along.

Good thing we sold Government to Business. Easier to drown it in the bathtub of outrageous debt.

Australian Katrina

Largest cyclone in decades threatens Australia

Global warming hasn't become any less global, or any less intense. Each year is expected to be worse than the last, with every year bringing more and more intense storms, until one big and powerful enough to swallow Rush Limbaugh has evolved. Some say this is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, since black holes are notorious gobblers of light, and apparently, oxycontin.

More on the good effects of global warming later...

Anonymoses recommends: Google : Current TV

tv
The Network Created by the People Who Watch It

On Google Video Search (also recommended)
Google Video Search allows you to preview snippets of videos on a browser/thumbnail format, or you can watch the entire video by clicking into it. In some cases, there is a charge for viewing. Most seem to be free. You can even show off your dancing abilities!

Johnny Bell and Gotham Chopra talk about Current TV, and how it is part of the 2nd Internet Revolution. (Gregory Mantell Show)

Current TV was the brainchild of former Vice President and Internet pioneer, Al Gore.
Huge kudos to all those involved in creating this excellent alternative to the whoring Snail TV.
Hard to imagine Bush doing anything useful, like this, for humanity.

I predict Current TV, Lulu.com, YouTV and the like will drive a nail into the coffin which is the mainstream corporate propaganda machine.

"Lark's Tongue in Aspic" - Vintage King Crimson circa 1972

Thanks to Google Image Search, one can finally enjoy some classic King Crimson right from the privacy of your own home...such as
Lark's Tongue in Aspic - featuring Robert Fripp, Bill Bruford, John Wetton, David Cross and Jamie Muir.

Or maybe you'd like to see a more recent concert?
Eyes Wide Open

Or, how about a guitar lesson? Here you can learn how to play a piece of the excellent song from "Starless and Bible Black", "Fracture". Anthony Garone on guitar.

God I love the internets!

My Barbarian - Morgan Le Fay

Bush Simply Can't Keep Pace!

Jon Stewart's "The Daily Show", one of the two or three places, including the Colbert Report and Boston Legal, where the truth actually leaks out, runs headlong into George W. Bush, and his attempts to hoodwink Americans about Iran in the same way that he hoodwinked us about Iraq.

Check out this segment capturing vintage Bush at his lying best:

Bush: Some of the most powerful IED's that we are seeing in Iraq today-includes components that came from Iran.
Reporter: Do you have proof that they are indeed behind this, the Gov't of Iran?
Pace: I do not sir.

Video-WMP Video-QT

Notice Bush's famous Right Wing Right Wink. When he winks that right eye, you know he is signalling to the wingers that more good ol' Texas-style killin' is about to ensue. Just another reason Jesus hates George W. Bush.

(Hat tip: CrooksandLiars, Atrios)

WBAL Radio cancels Rush Limbaugh

The Enlightment has Begun!

Rush Limpballs: "Lincoln Chaffee is a genuine mental midget"

...stealing the line from Tom Waits.

Cleaning my plate

I've simply GOT to reduce the number of items gathering at the bottom of my browser...

LARGEST IRAQ AIR ASSAULT SINCE '03
Doctrine of Preemptive War Reaffirmed...
... Cites Iran Peril
Bush to reaffirm preemption as security strategy
The Six Degrees of Newspaper Blogging and Why the Guardian is Ahead
President Bush Must be Censured for Breaking the Law
A Peculiar Politician
Stuck in the no-idea zone
John Burns, Back from Baghdad: U.S. Effort In Iraq Will Likely Fail
Katrina with a Wrecking Ball?
The Coming Resource Wars

'If Bush attacks Iraq, America will burn'. Well, America IS burning.

Has terror once again hit our soil...in the form of fire?

In March, 2003, USA Today ran this article:
'If Bush attacks Iraq, America . . . will burn'

In March 2006, we are seeing articles such as:
Wildfires Leave Texas Panhandle a Wasteland
Wildfires Push Deeper Into Texas Panhandle
Texas Wildfires Veer Toward Oklahoma
Wildfires burning out of control in US state of Texas
Rash of wildfires hits state (Virginia)
Wildfires might claim 10,000 head of cattle
Multiple Wildfires Burning (OK)

Bush Numbers Plummet. Expect War on Iran.

"When the chips are down...kill people." - Bush
Now that Bush has seen his numbers fall into a range that he can count up to, even without using his fingers, you can expect that he will shake things up by causing more death and destruction. He's that cool.But since he is strapped for cash, he will probably just let Israel do his dirty work.
It's at times like this that I am glad I am a poor schmuch who couldn't causing anyone to kill shit. Maybe I won't be on the Bush administration's fast track to Hell...

Mister Bush May Finally be Censured for Crimes

The world's most reckless man, George W. Bush, may finally have to answer for his crimes and felonies. Russ Feingold introduced a measure to have the chimp-like hominid censured for being such a sucky "leader".

Here are the ludibund and pussilanimous headline from our anorchic media:
Feingold draws little support for censure of Bush - USA Today
Feingold Draws Little Support for Censure - Guardian Unlimited
Move to censure Bush will have political fallout - MSNBC
Feingold Draws Little Support for Censure - ABC News
Update 3: Feingold Draws Little Support for Censure - Forbes

Laughable isn't it. Such originality!

Poet Laureate Billy Jones Hosts Tarheel Tavern

The blogging pioneer is a veritable yarn factory, and today he is headslinger.
Sidle on up to the bar, and let him pour a toast...

Fear-Mongering Rumsfeld reaps millions from sale of Bird Flu Drug

Have you no shame?

Donald Rumsfeld has made a killing out of bird flu. The US Defence Secretary has made more than $5m (£2.9m) in capital gains from selling shares in the biotechnology firm that discovered and developed Tamiflu, the drug being bought in massive amounts by Governments to treat a possible human pandemic of the disease.

because I can

Friend and poet, Billy Jones, wants us to consider the phrase: "because I can" so I cannot pass up the challenge (or he will beat me with his blogger bat).

There are at least 3 ways to look at the matter. Consider the distinctions:

BECAUSE i can
because I can
because i CAN

The first meaning seems vapid, and the third seems adolescent, but the second one has resonance and worth.

Make a list. Write down all the things you do. Now calculate either the percentage or total set of people who also can perform that function or activity. For example:

Breathe - 100%
Eat - 90%
Fart - 92.8%
Sculpt - 19%
Write a book about life from my particular perspective - .000001%

Make the list as complete as you'd like.

Now, order the list mathematically.

Meditate on the list, then ask yourself whether or not you are spending enough time focusing on what you alone can do.

So many people waste their gifts trying to do what anyone else can do.

Dare to be extraordinary.
Dare to be yourself.

because YOU can!

Norton Resigns After Abramoff Revelation; Justice O'Connor Warns of Dictatorship

• Interior Secretary, pictured with Abramoff, resigns abruptly
• O'Connor chides GOP attacks onjudiciary, warns of dictatorship
• Sandra Day O'Connor Warns Against Partisan GOP DeLay/Bush Dictatorship.
• Fancy Frist Campaign ad attacks gays, judges, African Americans
• Focus on the Family denies lobbying for Abramoff; E-mails refute
• Bush: "How will I know if it's unconstitutional?" - World Net Daily Condemns Bush's Absentee Presidency"
• At Conservative Forum on Bush, Everybody's a Critic

Chris Matthews of the Kakistocracy

Alphabetically, Chris Matthews is one of the most aeolistic, borborygmic, cacodoxical, deblaterative, energumenical, frustraneous, godhopping, heteronomic, ignivomous, jejune, kakistocratic, logorrheic, mammoniacal, nescient, outrecuidant, periphrastic, quaquaversal, ringent, scumbered, talionic, ululative, vulpecular, windsucking, xanthic, yammering and zorillic of Pavlov's bitches. Thus we hereby grant Chris honorary membership in the kakistocracy. Welcome. And may 2008 bring an end to the kakistocrats.

The kakistocracy in the News:

Bush's Approval Rating Falls to New Low
Far fewer Americans consider Bush likable, honest, strong and dependable

More and more people, particularly Republicans, disapprove of President Bush's performance, question his character and no longer consider him a strong leader against terrorism, according to an AP-Ipsos poll documenting one of the bleakest points of his presidency.
Republican Party leaders said the survey explains why GOP lawmakers are rushing to distance themselves from Bush on a range of issues — port security, immigration, spending, warrantless eavesdropping and trade...
Personally, far fewer Americans consider Bush likable, honest, strong and dependable than they did just after his re-election campaign...
By comparison, Presidents Clinton and Reagan had public approval in the mid 60s at this stage of their second terms in office, while Eisenhower was close to 60 percent, according to Gallup polls...

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Anonymoses is up for Best Writing

The Koufax Awards are now open for nominations, and somehow I got shoehorned into the mix.
Even though there are many better writers on the list, you can still vote for Anonymoses since no one else is. It's the weird thing to do!

The Best Writing link is HERE.
The main list is here.

Check out all the categories though. Iddybud is up for best blog and blog deserving of wider recognition. Bora Zivkovic is in a few categories (Expert and Single Issue). Look for Coturnix and Science and Politics. Other local folks are Scrutiny Hooligans, Arse Poetica, BlogAsheville, Ed Cone, Pam's House Blend, Blue NC, and more. (I'll add more, and link, later. In a hurry right now.)

OTHER CATEGORIES
Best Blog (non-pro) - Best Commenter - Best Single Issue - Best Series - Best Blog (pro/sponsor) - Best Expert Blog - Most Humorous Blog - Most Humorous Post - Best Post - Best Group Blog - Best Blog Community - Best Writing - Best state and local Blogs - Wider Recognition Blogs - Best New Blogs

Angelic Dana Reeve Joins Christopher Reeve, her beloved husband, in Heaven

Dana Reeve was 44

Dana Reeve, wife of Christopher Reeve, Dead from Lung Cancer

Their love was, frankly, exemplary. We should all hope to be such angels.
And now their love is complete, as they join in the eternal family of Love, we call Heaven.
I can't help but be happy for them. It is us for whom I mourn. It is our loss.
The world is less bright without them. May we all learn from their extraordinary love and sacrifice.
My own beloved aunt died from lung cancer just 2 weeks ago, and today I decided to quit smoking...even before learning of Dana Reeve's departure. I can't help but drawn threads.

I once had hopes that Mr. Reeve would become another FDR, in that he would run and win the presidency. Theirs would have been an awesome co-presidency.

Alas, they are in a better place.

Cheney Declares War on Iran

Bloodthirsty Animal Killer once again sets sights on humans

Dickless Cheney, the Emperor of the Media/Military-Industrial Complex, has recovered from his detention, and is now hungry to shed more blood. Not his own, of course.

Mothers and fathers, gather ye children for the blood-letting.
Soon they will be shipped to Iran, to satisfy the sporting Bush Misadministration, for whom Life is frankly a piece of turd to be stamped on.

Anyone else ashamed of these killers?

God is Love. Cheney ain't either. Au contraire.

And it's one, two, three, what are we fighting for?

[stock tip: Invest in bodybags.]

Women Flee South Dakota in Droves

Abortion Ban Leaves SD Men Considering Seeing Brokeback Mountain

gingerivers: Tar heel Tavern #54 is up!

gingerivers: Tar heel Tavern #54

Grace: Esse Quam Videri

"The most perfect grace consists not in external ornamentation but in allowing the original material to stand forth, beautified by being given form."
-I Ching (The Book of Changes)

To be rather than to seem...

I guess you could say we live in a state of grace!

The Politics of "24"

OK. I admit it. I am a "24" addict. It is completely self-inflicted. I am also addicted to the works of David E. Kelley, Larry David and Aaron Sworkin. These are the Preston Sturgeses of today, as far as goes TV. There may be more. I ain't got all day.

As a throbbing member of the cultural elite, I realize I shouldn't expect too much edification of the senses to issue forth from the idiot box, and yet, like moth to flame, I am drawn. Badly drawn. I am the proverbial badly drawn man. A stick figure among eggmen. A walrus without tusks. A hammer without a master. (Boulez-vous ecoute avec-moi ce soir?)

Life is butter dreams.

Naa. Well maybe. At any rate, I do enjoy my weekly Bauer fix. At least I did until she left. But she will be returning on Monday, so if you haven't heard already:


Kim Bauer Returneth!

(It's a guy thing.)

So yeah...politics of 24. Well, the latest is this:
Lynn, played by "Toy Soldiers" star, Sean Astin (also the son of excellent parentage) turns into a bloviating, power-blind, control freak with God-as-Daddy metaphorage tainting his social judgement. Imagine Bill O'Reilly or Rush Limbaugh at the helm of counter-terrorism, yawping and ululating like frightened chihuahuas. For some odd reason, this sort of behavior is acceptable, even encouraged, on the Right. But the Left and the Center have little stomach for it. And neither did the folks at CTI. After much plundering and blundering and thundering, the problem was removed, Section 112 was invoked, and adult supervision was returned to the good, hard-working, tireless folks at CTI.

If only the same can be said of the White House...both on the show, and in real life.
Plundering and blundering and thundering. I was wondering...what thinks ye underees?

Music in the Age of "George the Unready"

On December 10, 2004 I posted the following:

---

"Nightmare 9" from anonyMoses' POWWOWIRAQSI now available for free download

"Nightmare 9" is the soundtrack of a nightmare in Iraq. I hosted it at a different server, located HERE. The other songs are located here. "Nightmare 9" pays tribute to "Revolution 9" by the Beatles and "Plan 9 from Outer Space". Hope you enjoy it. Great for headphones and freakouts!

---

Little did I know that in 2006, Paul Krugman would write a column and call it "George the Unready". But he did. Here is Brad deLong's explanation of the title:

The reference is to the late tenth century English king who lost his kingdom to
the invading Danes, Ethelred the Unready--in Old English Aethelraed Unraed.
"Aethelraed" was his name, meaning "noble judgment." "Unraed" was attached to it
as a pun--"unraed" meaning not "unready" but "bad judgment." It's a pun.

I ran across Ethelred the Unready while studying genealogy. We are apparently related...although I identify more with his father, Edgar the Peaceable.

Iddybud alerted me to the Krugman column because she was getting a lot of hits, due to the fact that she had posted about my music, and mentioned the "George the Unready" part (which I had neglected to do).

Glad to see Paul Krugman and I are on the same wavelength...and that I was able to drive some traffic to Iddybud the Beyond Ready.

Iddy said:
The music inspired Patty Ann Smith to write this moving poem:

Can You Taste The Tears?

This is not the heartbeat of the Earth.
Can you hear the fear, can you taste the tears?
Can you smell the blood, can you touch the wounds?
This is the adrenalin rush of mankind at war with itself...
The death throws of a failed experiment.
Hope and despair living in the same body at the same time...
an impossible task that must be altered.
Otherwise, there will be merciful silence for the Earth in the end
and...no more children to build a future for.

~ Patty Ann Smith / Hope4America

The CD is still here, and available for $9.95, and there is a DVD in the works which will sell for 14.95. You can purchase either or both through the Paypal button located on your right.

IN THE BLOGOSPHERE

Fires, Floods & Earthquakes: Prelude to Hurricane Season

Human negligence may come back to bite...and it may a particularly harsh bite this hurricane season, despite what the hoodwinked and the hoodwinkers would have you believe. For years now the obscurantists have been diehard apologists for the pollutive, thus extending the pollution into the airwaves. "That dog doesn't bite!", they keep repeating. But when the dog does bite, will the lies and liars be resented? If only the guilty inherited the gaseous winds...


Earthquake jolts parts of Mendocino County
Earthquake shakes Athens
7.1 magnitude earthquake in Fiji
Experts: Utah Should Prepare For Big Earthquake
Study raises quake risk
National Guard mobilized to help fight wild fires
Multiple fires erupt, thanks to wind
Crews battle forest fires in East Tennessee
Crews Nearly Contain Black Hills Fires
Carolinas' climate ripe for forest fires
Flash flood warnings posted across rain-soaked Hawaii
Town put on flood alert

Because Americans Are Responsible

Dubai Dubya & The Arab Scarab Harum

If Dubai screws up our ports, will it change its name to Dubya?

More of Dubai Dubya...
Daily Kos Dairies

THE AUTOMATIC GEORGE W. BUSH SPEECH GENERATOR

NOW INCLUDING GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!
(hat tip Rah Bourbon)

Mississippi: At the Cutting Edge of Backwardness

Ever at the forefront of atavism, Mississippi, led by their uberbubba, Haley Barbour, plans on stripping women...of their rights. It's easy when your state is always last in education. Keep them stupid and docile, and their will follow even a slobbering fool into the Hades of Ignorance.
Other backward states, like South Dakota, plan to follow Mississippi's devolutionary lead.

Step aside and let the lemmings pass....

Water Found on Mars

And Just in Time Too!
Human Origins Also Discovered

Thank God for small miracles! In a last minute effort, terrestrial scientists raced another robot up to Mars before everyone could let the mishaps of the last big adventure set in. And what did they find? No, not Timothy Leary. . . Water, stupid! Water!

Upon closer inspection of said water, the terrestrial scientists discovered, to their chagrin I might add, (but when isn't it?) that the water contained what appeared to be Human Spores, which has prompted them to assign varying meanings to this finding, and one of these is that we, humans that is, were once little spore-type-thingies, and we lived on Mars until it got too cold and we hijacked rides on comets which then smashed into the earth's atmosphere thus releasing us in the form of cosmic rain, if you will, which then filled up the oceans and Coca-Cola bottling plants.

How we became soft drinks is a deep subject which I only wish I had the time to tell, but alas, I must investigate further, ever further, bringing out the most newsy news consumable. It is my job. My life. My metier.

Now, back to you, Dan.

Liquids Wetter Than Solids, Gases

SWAN QUARTER, NC--In a startlingly wondrous turn of events which has scientists in far-flung areas of the subtropics gaga, Swan Quarter 3rd grader, Oliver Sutton, stood up and told his classmates that "Liquids are wetter than solids and gases" during his turn at "Science Yack" -- a daily program which enables the younguns to opine on all things scientific.

The news was swift and oppressive. Ripples and shudders radiated from the small Carolina village to the point where authorities were called in to quell the disturbance. This shocked a number of otherwise languid citizens, who were forced, by conscience, to stand up and defend the little Sutton child on the grounds that "he was really no worse than other brats just because he had ideas. Jeez!".

Further examination, however, has shown that there really is no such thing as a solid, since what were once thought of as solids are really nothing more than the same mind-fluff that every other schmo is composed of, which, as it turns out, is a sort of projection of God's visions and thoughts upon a holographic screen which we are all part and whole of, whatever that means. I just obey orders. And now they are telling me to wrap it up...

Anyway...look into it! Bucky Fuller is a good place to start. Get back with me. Ta!

In the Works

NEXT ISSUE



Body of Ancient Man who discovered Fire Found in Siberia

Fire-eating dogs now being bred to replace traditional fire hose

Charlotte Poultroon Gets Serious Wedgie

How Sept 11 Caused the World to Stay the Same

Deloitte: "I'm just looking for some Touche"

Over-eager Oilman Strikes Hell

Conversation Deemed Spuerfluous, Deipnosophists Up in Arms

Gore Gets Mad and De-Invents the Internet Causing World Panic

Mt. Everest to be ground down and auctioned off in sugar packets on eBay

7 Habits of Highly Habituated Addicts

Why cats can beat up dogs but rarely waste the energy

Sexual Congress: A New Page

Want to lose weight? Eat what skinny people eat, stupid!

How to know if you have class

Avant-garde Lovemaking

"Secret Ingredient" in beer found more addictive than crack. US government still prohibited from demanding Ingredient labels.

Save your hair! New hair religion stops it from going to Hell

Trees found to have canine souls. . . discovered in bark

Unborn fetus discovered masturbating in womb

Wheelchair-disabled sue stand-up comedians in Class Action suit

Cordless dropcords may cause insanity

Salted beer nuts found to cause alcoholism

New poll shows women really prefer beta males

Do you believe in love after love? NY woman has sex with 2000 partners!

"The Matriot" slated to begin production in August

The real reason you can't see peepees on TV

Toll-roads taking their toll

Indo-European roots and berries

How to fool others into thinking you are likeable

The Liberal Media presents: The Virtual Bohemia Channel

Virtual Bohemia Television that Heals and Edifies

alt.primetime
Featuring the best in alternative programming for the evening, late night and the following morning.

Freud's Banana
Not unlike Newton's Apple, but with emphasis on human sexuality. Sometimes a banana is just a banana. This wouldn't be one of those instances.

BOBBIES
England's answer to COPS, BOBBIES features the wacky antics of gentlemen with short bats. Viewers have commented on just how crude and boorish COPS seems, after viewing the more civilized Bobbies in action.

Food-Chain Gang
In this bizarre natural comedy, each rung up the ladder gets to laugh and point at the poor sucker one rung beneath him or her. But to make things interesting, the entire chain is literally chained together. Now let's see who comes out on top!

Arnold the Robopig
Arnold Zifflenegger has a problem. He is frankly a robotic swine overly concerned with Kohlberg's Third level of moral development, namely Law and Order. Watch as Arnold squeals on his friends and family until there is only one creature in the entire village who is not behind bars. Guess who.

Taboo Quest
Taboo Quest seeks out all the major world taboos...and exploits them for financial gain. This season we even hope to create a few new taboos, for your viewing pleasure.

As It Were
Virtual Bohemia's answer to the History Channel, only condensed into a 30-minute show...which is about as much History as most people want.

Imperfect Weekend
This Friday evening show previews some of the more arcane things taking place over the weekend. If you can't afford The Perfect Weekend...try an Imperfect one. You might see all your friends. At least the cheap ones!

Sexual In Your Window
This show, called the ballsiest on TV, is the best of video voyeurism, with particular emphasis on private sexual acts caught on tape. Great fun for the adult viewer!

Life After Money
Whether it be Life chasing after money, or what life can be like after you have lost it all, Life After Money is the show that treats of these two seemingly disparate states.

Genius Search
Star Search raised to the highest level, Genius Search seeks out the best minds in the world and rewards the recipient with whatever he or she needs in order to further their work.

Tobacco Executives
Tobacco Executives features the lives of the heads of this dying industry, only in a situational comedy format. The twist is that no one EVER tells the truth, so you can imagine the tangled webs they create.

Voyeur TV
First there was Real TV. Then there was Weird TV. Welcome to the Age of Voyeur TV! We highlight the best of voyeuristic TV shows around the world, as well as create a few ourselves...so there is absolutely no need to look elsewhere.

Green Witch Village
Green Witch Village documents the life and people of the community known as Green Witch Village...since that, indeed, is the name. Starting out as a Virtual Community, Green Witch Village is now a clothing-optional "Intentional Paradise" in the mountains of North Carolina. Membership is available, but is a million dollars. Can you pay my way? Watch to find out!

Rampant Pelvises
Rampant Pelvises is a sort-of MTV-style dance show...only the music is good and the people are good-looking and deliberately sexy. All "outfits" are dropdead, and can be purchased from the show. Same with the music. You can even chat with the dancers and set up 5-minute dates with them. Great for the kiddies!

Mama and Dada
A surreal show about how everyone's mother wants to be a Dadaist, but is invariably thwarted by agents from the cruel and lazy planet of Husbandry. Watch as the Husbands move in and remove toilet seats from the walls, only to leave the lid up elsewhere.

Canned Laughter
Canned Laughter is a new concept in TV. First we set up situations where people say unfunny things to each other, and then we edit in uproarious laughter so the viewer thinks that what was said is actually funny! On second thought...most "comedy" shows are just this! Oh well... Watch anyway. It's unfunny in a funny way.

Flower Arrangers
When Power Rangers failed to edify the children of America, but instead taught then how to beat each other up, a bunch of producers and enlightened TV execs got together and decided it was time that children learn something more socially useful, like flower arranging. This is the result. A little slow, but no violence.

Left-handed Animals
Documenting the strange lives of left-handed animals, Sir David Attenuationborough polishes his British accent to the low moans of widows statewide.

Seeing Godot Out
Godot has finally arrived, but was found to be a rather tedious soul, and so now the Becketts are trying to figure out how to get rid of him. In this episode, Fred Neechy, the neighbor suggests that Sam (Beckett) coerce the local newspaper to use "Godot is Dead" as their headline on Sunday. Godot does not move. But watch anyway.

World's Sexiest
First you had America's Funniest. Then came World's Funniest. Enter World's Sexiest... The show that features the sexiest everything in the world. Home videos, music, cars, jets, resorts, nightclubs, cities, countries, grocery stores...you name it. It's all on World's Sexiest!

Bleak Condo
The Busch family never seemed to be able to make it out of the '80s. Never really wanted to! Watch as this ludicrous family lives out their pathetic '80s lifestyle to the derision of their more evolved and hip neighbors.

Snail World
Road rage. Traffic jams. Standing in lines. These are among the many earmarks of the brick-and-mortar world, and this show is here to laugh at the people who have yet to make it to the Netizenry. Come join in the revelry! Or don't!!

Time Invaders
Thought by some to be more insidious than Space Invaders, Time Invaders are those people who take up way too much of your precious American time. This is their side of the story.

Stand-up Tragedies
The show for Stand-up comedians with low self-esteem. "If I bomb...so what! I am a walking tragedy!" Although many performances really are tragic, an occasional funny slips through now and again. See if you can spot one!

Night Vision Makes Lighting Obsolete

Trillions of $$$ Saved
Everyone Now a Millionaire


Next month we will examine the next great revolution after the blog explosion, and that is, of course, the energy explosion...or shall I say, the energy "implosion"? Since Night vision has now removed all need for lighting, energy consumption has dropped to a mere trickle, the earth is cooling back down, and Mother Nature is smiling down upon us with grateful, knowing eyes. And you can bet those eyes are fashioned with a pair of Omnivision Nightwear from Shadewear International. The finest name in darkness correction.
Civilized countries are now being known for the darkness, rather than the abundance of light, since civilized countries are now converting to nightvision as a way to stave off darkness, rather than the old caveman tactic of trying to light everything around you, which is now known to be light pollution anyway!

The glasses are not only for night vision, however. One may also access the Internet, watch TV, use them as binoculars, stereo microscopes or telescopes although with nowhere near the resolution of the Hubble as yet, and yes! They also protect your eyes from bugs!

They are also corrected for astigmatism!

Anyway, we will be writing on this subject next month...so please come back. And keep the lights off for us!

Motorized Beer a Godsend for Lazy Frats

RALEIGH, NC--How many times have you gone to a fraternalia only to find one or two people who are just too lazy to do the hard work of collegiate level binge drinking? Do these slaggards not realize how important it is to win the race to be the first person on your floor to become a full fledged alcoholic, with all the rights and priveleges that are rendered thereunto? Well fret no more! Buttviper ("...and how's YOUR bush?") has just created the world's first motorized beer, and it is guaranteed to make either an addict or a corpse out of you in just a few short hours!! No more of that waiting months, or even years to attain that socially-sanctioned and perfectly legal status. There can hardly be a better way to make a society impotent and thus gullible than to shoot those beers down them before they become burdened by troublesome thoughts, such as "Why do I keep cheating on exams?" and "Will I still cheat when I am employed?".

North Carolina State has been chosen to be a testing ground for the newly motorized beer, since everyone there drinks, and nearly everyone is as suggestible as they come, and therefore make nice guinea pigs for the tobacco, alcohol, cola and pharmaceuticalists, where a certain degree of gullibility is required in order to believe the ludicrous claims that are made by these nutty industries.

At any rate, there is sure to be a lot of good, clean binging going on, thanks to Buttviper and indeed, the entire addictive liquids industry. And you thought beer and motors didn't go together!

Free Book Review for ass-kissers of the literati

INSTRUCTIONS:

Simply copy the following document, paste it into your own editor, and then fill in the title, character, or pertinent information in the underlined areas, being sure to erase the underlines at some time during the process. There are a few other instructions enbedded within the document, and they will be designated with [brackets].
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[TITLE GOES HERE]

Forced by function to adonize the bedswerving bedlamites from an illth of worthies, one unearths, as you have shown, a veritable avium of jar-owls, among them, the rantallionic and yclept Mr._______ (who infect with every ejaculum) -- as certainly you must have been [forced], wrinkling and besmirched with that freedom stench -- this unctious fotzepolitik so redolent with stinkfoot fotzepolitik, and, my gosh, did you ever hit the head on the nail! (Muses! Where are you?)
Expose as you will the backsides of our masculine fundamentals, you shed light on the up and down side of invagination with ludibund and comely juvenescence. My cup runneth over! Facinosum est! To watch rather than to think.
But your ________ snakes up our collective spine and sparks the tip of our crown, generating uploads of mentation, tossing our brainsalads aside, to then fro then back again. You have touched our minds, and you have touched our sex. Now can you touch our hearts?
In a very real, yet post-modern, way -- you do. And it is strange how the description and placement of ___________ can download heaping helpings of that warm stuff that touches our hearts open. And yet, I come away with that admonicle of wisdom, touching all ports, that one only hopes for but rarely receives in contemporary "merkin" letters.

Your choice of detail was insightful and jocose, and your dichotomization of ________ I found, particularly compelling. ________'s concupiscent yet insouciant attitude toward the ebb and flow of partners, in this case coincident upon the venerable institution of _____________, might catch a lot of men-in-quotation marks one ball shy, who have notions about female desire and its relation to __________ that can rightly be called naive, if not mounting an all-out atavisticulum on the hingehead populoi who follow along, purblind puppets, fake giants among real pygmies, hoping that the woman will get pissed enough in the English sense to swashbuckle his pants and grunts of simian lippitude and reach toward the sausage that Vienna made famous, then faint with thoughts of nanotechnologies attacking her overcompensated thorax. So be it! Carpe Noctem! You deserve the light of a billion suns!

[Your name goes here]